supuhaznpbrein's Xanga

Monday, May 26, 2008

Mon, 26 May 2008 04:07:20 GMT

Believe in yourself.
Not in me who believes in you.
Not in you who believes in me.
But believe in you, who believes in yourself!
-TTGL

If you thought you had a tough time on a blind date, you have no idea.

http://www.cracked.com/video_16312_creepiest-blind-date-ever.html

Awkward......

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Sat, 15 Dec 2007 03:41:46 GMT

I lol'd. Gross.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 03:38:16 GMT

Back! With pics from UCLA. Huray!

Busting a move right before we go into Universal. We look damn sexy. = )

That burger is a bit too big for you Rich...l

The resemblance is striking!

I was so tired that day, you guys dont even know...

Cheers! Moments like this is what life is about!

Waiting for the frekaing food.

Praising the freaking food. That onion ring stack was bommmmb.

It was a big pillar...Biiiiiiiiig pillar.

God I Love jumps pics.

The Circle of hotness. Except for my face, ewwww.

I couldn't help NOT being gay, even for one day. You can't blame me. Josh is a hot guy.

It was REALLY hard to hold on to the guitar, so the face i'm making is 100% genuine.

After Jurassic park. Fareed actually had to buy a new shirt because he got so wet.

Gay Pride...

Her reaction to our gay pride....

Randy n me before the final dance.

Me and Calvin before the final dance.

I want a bike soooooo badly....

Will update tomrrow, with even more pics. God, Rich really took a lot.
Back tomrrow. Adieu!

Friday, August 03, 2007

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 07:17:15 GMT

Watch it, Let's talk about it. = ) , feel free to IM on aim.

Back from camping. I'm not going camping for a while. We got lost for 3 hours, and when we got back I was dead tired. I left with Kenny and Jacob, cause my legs hurt like hell. We went fishing right after we got back, but I wasn't to into it. Like, my cell phone had no signal the entire time we were lost, and my ipod ran out of batteries. I normally love hiking, but that was extreme.

Not funny, but I still laughed.

What am I looking foward to? Watching Man Vs. Wild tomorrow.
Praise Bear Grylls, for he deserves it.
I tried my best to survive in the wilderness for 3 hours, and failed miserably.
Good job Bear, for doing whatever it is that you do.

What are my plans for the rest of summer? Make the most of it. Live it up, and enjoy every god damn second. Will anyone toast to that?

Today I have learned: How important technology is in my life.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 17:45:06 GMT

It's a long way to the finish, but hang in there, and enjoy the scenery. = ).

I am discovering new things about myself everyday.

"when the evening comes we smile
So much of life ahead
Well find a place where theres room to grow
And yes! weve only just begun"

The carpenters.

Life is an ongoing process and the results are never clear. I have accepted the fact that I will probably live most of my life wondering, questioning, and hoping, but never finding an answer. Coming to terms with such ambiguity is something i'm working on everyday. It's not a pretty sight but its the honest truth. I'm falling over my words, ideals and beliefs. I always do a double take cause the very roots of my core ideology is not something that is concrete. It's just something that I have come to realize.

Past few days, a lot of thoughts have been popping into my head.

I seriously realize that people's first impressions of me are skeptical. The lame jokes I tell, The things I talk about, and my very demeanor can be cold and sometimes a bit blank and melancholy. But I hope not all people view me that way. If you wanna get to know the real me, I suggest you hang out with me, or better yet talk with me. I accept my character flaws, which there are MANY of. I am trying to improve on who I am but the road is tough, and I'm still just a kid, and don't forget. "Being grown up isn't half has fun as growing up."

Other than that, just a rush of emotions. I'm a pretty tactile guy, and I tend to keep emotions separate from my better judgment. But usually, I always tend to rely on emotions more heavily in the long run than rational thought. This works against me in two ways.
1. I absolutely lack the ability to express my emotions in a cohesive manner.
2. I get nervous as hell.
I don't want to write to in-depth on this as my heart and my mind aren't in the same place yet. Bite my tongue and refrain from speaking, rather uncertainty makes a fool out of the man who is clueless.

"It is love, not reason, that is stronger than death." - Thomas Mann

A machine with a doll face mimics images on television screen in search of a satisfactory visage. Doll Face presents a visual account of desires misplaced and identities fractured by our technological extension into the future.

Give this video some thought, and IM me about it. Let's talk. = )

Today I have Learned: "To laugh often and love much... to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to give one's self... this is to have succeeded." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Words of the wise. Take them to heart.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Tue, 31 Jul 2007 19:57:18 GMT

Back from UCLA. Good experience, good times, good memories. Will update with pics and comments later.

What I have learned from it: Life will have good times, and there will be shit times. But there will also be shitty good times. -quoted by chris.

Edit: No pics yet, maybe i'll get to it in the next decade or so.

XoJw1oX: i'm dieting
seraphjei: why?
XoJw1oX: cuz i want an 8 pack

tsk tsk tsk tsk.

Music:I was looking through my ipod today and found some songs I hadn't listened to in a long time. I felt pity on the lonely songs and played them. (I know you like my use of personification.) Loads and loads of korean music. Why? Cause korean music is the shit. Dj soulscape, Viva Soul, Sweater and Uverworld.
Books: Reading Huck Finn, its for school, but it's still a good book.
Movies: Simpsons, Chuck and Larry, Windstruck, The Classic, Raging Bull.

I've been bust as of late working on stuffs. I've been touching up Alex's screenplay, playing with photoshop, watching anime, and doing some writing, as well as playing guitar. My guitar skills are getting worse, due to my lack of practice and me being ridiculously lazy. Still learning to break dance with no avail. Going camping later for a few days then gonna go fishing right before orientation.

If music be the food of love, play on.
-shakespeare, twelfth night.

My favorite quote of all time? No. But its close.

I always like to post comics just for fun, wether it has any relevance usually doesn't matter, they are just simply entertaining.

Oh.....Sweet sweet rejection.

People who are into more dark humor should defnintly check out Dan Kims works. Nana's everyday life, is sickningly funny. I feel bad everytime I laugh.
The link is http://manga.clone-army.org/nana.php

Well now that I have my healthy dose of laughs out there, time to get some of my more serious thoughts out there. The past week at UCLA has made me realize several things. First of, time goes by quickly and good times go by like a single second, a moment so beautiful. It departs like an ephemeral spark that blows into the wind bringing tears to the eye, and sways the very aura of human spirit with a bittersweet, almost heartbreaking fondness. A single second is an irreplaceable, enduring treasure that contorts the very fabric of reality, twisting and constantly shaping our universe. A single second, so fragile, transient, and evanescent, for that brief moment the soul and conscious are as one, and the echelon we have been searching for is finally reached. A single second can change our understanding of the world. It makes us question how the human heart beats creating an echo to future generations carving out a legacy of our dreams and hopes. It helps us understand how we can go on living in a world that erases our existence the moment our soul departs. To me it seems funny, that so many heart warming memories was only just a few days ago, now it seems like a blank vast eternity seperating the past and present. The thin line between here and there, then and now, is soemthing unfathomable and there is no chance for us to back and experience past memories. You can't live out something that happened in the past, but I find it difficult to let go. I already find myeslf day dreaming in nostalgia, thinking back telling myself things like, "Oh, remember when?" It's a really bitter feeling.

Ok most of you guys are probably turned off by my annoying rant but wait! There is more, hang on i'm getting to my point. Oh wait, there is none, thats why it's a rant.

Well i've been busy at work and started a new book. Will I ever finish it? It depends on how inspired I am. And at the moment I'm very inspired. Here is what I have so far, enjoy it, I know I always do. Oh, and as you read try not to gag from laughter. I realize a lot of is cliche and I know the writing style is redundant but I really don't care. If you don't like it...then, you don't have to read it. Feedback is nice though! Criticism is appreciated, unless you just tell me I suck.

Summer Days:

Dedicated to her, whom I met for a brief second, yet the imprint she left on my heart stays with me, eternal.

Prologue: I look for the one my heart loves; I looked for him but did not find him. I will get up now and go about the city, through its streets and squares; I will search for the one my heart loves. So I looked for him but did not find him. The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. “Have you seen the one my heart loves?” Scarcely had I passed them when I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go. Do not arouse or awaken love until so desires.
-The Holy Bible, Song of Songs 3:1-5

1:

    I gazed out onto the vast forlorn fields of grass through the train window. The rain was falling down the side of the train like tears. I could feel it, a sense of disquiet that echoed through that blank landscape. It was calling out to me, a feeling absolute hopelessness was imprinted onto my heard. One singular thought rang through my mind. I just wanted to see her again. There was a vast distance between us that seemed extended on forever. It had already been a year since we last met. She was so far away, and I wondered to myself how much she had changed. I wondered to myself how beautiful she was, how cute her smile used to be, how warm her laugh was, and how kind her eyes were. How much had she changed? How much had I changed? The sound of the rain hitting the roof was hypnotizing, and I could feel myself being lulled to sleep. I felt drowsy, and I slowly let the darkness overtake me.

2:
    We were so young, so naïve, and so full of hope. We first met when we were in junior high. I had just recently transferred into a school in San Francisco and just a few weeks later she transferred into the same class. You could say we were a pair of kindred souls. We were both weak sickly children back then. Both of us would much rather sit inside reading a books or listening to music than playing out in the sun, so it was only natural we got a long. As a result we were at the end of many jokes, but I felt that when I was with her, we could overcome anything. As strange as it may be, when we were together we weren’t afraid of those things. We would spend time together in libraries talking about books we had read, or we would talk about anything. It didn’t matter, just being together was enough. Hours went by but time seemed irrelevant when she was with me. At that time for some reason, we believed we would be with each other forever. We thought we would go to the same highschool, finish at the same college, and stay together from then on.
    It was a hot day in summer when she told me. I can still remember every word. Our hopes of being together were shattered. She had to move to Phoenix Arizona. It shouldn’t have come as a shock, since we were both constantly moving from one place to another. It had only been one year since we had both moved to San Francisco and we were both about to move onto the 8th grade. We decided to meet by a large oak tree. It was by our favorite library and we would spend time there frequently. When I met her underneath that oak tree that morning there was something different in her voice, something different about her face, something different about her lips. I could feel her trembling beside me as we sat drinking tea I had brought from home. She was silent and looked into her cup with cold eyes. She finally spoke after a long time. “Do you know the speed in which a raindrop falls?”
    “Let’s see, about 10 feet per second?
    “Nope, try again.”
    “15?”
    “You’re getting warmer.”
    “I give up, what is it?”
    “25 feet per second. That’s the speed at which rain falls.”
    “Oh. That’s interesting.”
    “I’m leaving tomorrow.” I quickly turned to her in disbelief. “I’m going to Arizona, my dad just told me this morning, he said it’s for business.” Her words pierced me, and sadness overtook my heart. I could feel my joints becoming numb. “I wish I could spend more time with you. I wish…” Before she could finish I cut her off. In that instant I hugged her. I held her in my arms and gripped her tightly.
    “No more. Just stop. I don’t want to hear anymore.”
    “I’m sorry.” I could feel her tears falling onto my shoulders. All I could do was hold back my own tears.
    “That’s enough. You don’t have to say anymore. You don’t have to be sorry for anything.” My words felt empty, and meaningless. Everything I said was coming from a void in my own heart that felt unfulfilled. We sat there embracing each for a long while. We said nothing, but we didn’t have to. We understood. As we were holding each other I thought about many things. At that moment I felt I could grasp such things as eternity, or the heart and soul. I felt as if I could share with her everything, my fears, my hopes, and my dreams. I sensation came over me. I looked down at her. And her eyes shot back a look of unbearable sorrow. I thought to myself. I want to take away her pain. I want to end her suffering, and I just want her to smile. Just like she used to. I closed my eyes, and we kissed, for the first time. The world changed between the moment that kiss began, and ended. In that moment I felt a tinge of sadness run through my body. Her warmth, her soul, I wondered how could I reach them? Where can I take them? I didn’t know the answer, and I didn’t know where to look. The thought of not being able to give her a reason to smile made me sad, it made me feel hopeless. It was then that I was keenly aware, that we wouldn’t be able to remain with each other after all. The overwhelming power of our lives, the boundless vastness of time, were stretching hopelessly before us. Yet the disquiet that had seized me soon began to melt away, and then all that was left was her soft lips pressing against mine.
    We spent the night under that tree. We talked for hours, and we had no intention of going back. We just wanted to be with each other, perhaps this was our way of escaping a harsh reality. We were wrapped in an old blanket I brought back from home. Morning came, and she had already packed her belongings. I went back with her to her house I helped her pack, I didn’t know what else to do. After all was done she climbed into the back of her car, and I parted with her. She rolled down her window and held my hand. She looked at me and spoke. “I’m sure you’ll be fine from now on. So make sure you take care.” My eyes became sullen with despair. I was reaching for words to say but couldn’t find them.
    “You take care too.” She smiled at me, and in that moment I found strength and courage and a sudden warmness spread through my body. “I’ll be writing, And calling, so please wait for me!” We kissed one more time. I heard the engine of the car start but it was tuned out. Eternity was waiting for us. Nothing could have stopped that moment, nothing could have shattered our happiness, at least in that brief second. She drove away, and I was left staring out into the horizon, waiting, simply waiting, with uncertainty in my heart, but a passion that could not be burned out.

3:
    It was 6 months before I received a letter from her. I didn’t know her new address so I didn’t get a chance to write. I didn’t know what she did in those 6 months but I didn’t care. All that mattered was that I got a letter from her, and that’s all I needed. All I wanted was for her to know I was alive. I just wanted to know that I still existed and that I still had some relevance in her heart, that’s all.
    “To Chris. Sorry for not having written to you in such a long time. Summer is hot over here as well. But it’s much hotter here than San Francisco, and I really miss the ocean breeze. Now that I think about it, I really loved that cool breeze that hit my face, it feels really nostalgic just thinking about it. It’s been half a year now since we last saw each other. Do you remember me?”
    With no hesitation I wrote back, there were so many things I wanted to say, I sent the letter the next day. I received a reply a week later.
    “Dear Chris. Thanks for the reply, I was so happy. Things are starting to cool down and its becoming autumn now. The red leaves are beautiful here. The day before yesterday I started to organize my winter clothes. I guess I was bored. My classes start really early so I’m writing this letter on the train to school. I wish I could write more, but I’m still getting situated here. I hope you can reply back.”
    This is how it was for another year. We went back and forth writing to each other. I called her many times but the letters were always more memorable. I read over all the letters she had sent me at least once a week. I guess it is kind of pathetic, but it made me happy. The distance between was there but I still had hope that someday we could be with each other again. That is what I thought.

4:
    2 years. It had been 2 years since I last saw her. I was about to graduate from junior high when my parents told me we were to move to Seattle. The news was unsettling, and I could feel my eyes swell with tears. I couldn’t tell you how sad I was, or how much despair I felt. The distance between us seemed to grow even larger. How could we overcome this? I struggled for the answer. It is then I decided to meet her. Before I moved I wanted to see her again.

My entries are always long, and people usually only read the bottom, so here it is, the end of todays entry.

What I have learned today: Little moments like eating dinner with friends, going shopping for random things, taking jumping pictures, comming up with retarded catch phrases, Hey Baby!, and other irrelevant things, give life its spice.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 03:45:53 GMT

Today is a brand new day.

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor if the idea that life is serious.

-Brendan Gill

True happiness is of a retired nature, and an enemy to pomp and noise; it arises, in the first place, from the enjoyment of one's self, and in the next from the friendship and conversation of a few select companions.

Joseph Addison (1672 - 1719), The Spectator, March 17, 1911

At The Getty...

The trip to the Getty Museum was truly an amazing experience. I witnessed many awe-inspiring sights and unbelievably profound and captivating works of art. Not only that I made new friends and had a time of amazing fellowship.

Each painting seemed to reach out grab me and kick my ass shouting at me, “I’m freaking amazing huh?”

The Hare in the Forest reminded me of Joyce...I wonder why?

The most profound painting had to be...

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)

Is hapiness truly that illusive, or are we complicating matters by simply choosing to be miserable? Could it be possible that hapiness is nothing more than a state of mind? or is it a possibility that it could it be something my grander?

At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities.

Jean Houston

I do not believe that hapiness is something so materialistic per se, yet i do not believe in clches either. However, lets take a realistic view of hapiness.

Happiness: a good bank account, a good cook and a good digestion.

Jean Jacques Rousseau (1712 - 1778)

Everyone has their own belief of what hapiness thus making it subjective. Yet is it possible for there to a universal hapiness? That just a grandiose term for, is their a certain thing, or moment that can bring hapiness to anyone no matter who they are. It's possible hapiness can come from something as trivial as getting anew toy for a young child, or possible being propposed to. But with so many obstacles through out the day how can one truly achieve hapiness? Let's talk about it.

Hapiness for You and for Me!

Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.

Eddie Cantor (1892 - 1964)

Is hapiness is obtainable?
What is hapiness to you?
The opposing side weeps, while you smile.
Embrace the pain, share the hapiness.

The purpose of life is to fight maturity.
Dick Werthimer

Today I have learned: To take things in stride. Smooth, and easy strides, with a little bit of bounce.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 23:07:45 GMT

Irritable Male Syndrome: A Male Version Of PMS?

March 29, 2006
Deepti Lamba

Recently it came to my notice that there are men who do not know what IMS is all about. Initially, in a bout of 'now I have got you, men' attitude, I rubbed my hands gleefully and decided to write a satire post on the issue. But then, after a minute of reflection, I realized that I would be no different from those sexist men who tarnish all women with PMS problems and say that men with 'attitude' suffer from IMS.

Just like PMS, IMS or Irritable Male Syndrome is no laughing matter. A grumpy man flipping channels, stonewalling his wife or worse, snapping at her housekeeping might be feeling a shift in his hormones.

What? Men have hormones? Most men think that shifting levels of hormones is something that only women suffer from, but facts show other wise. Men are equally prone to depression, high stress levels and mood swings.

The old traditional approach of 'being a man' and holding back one's feelings causes many men to implode where a seemingly regular feeling of blues slides into manic depression, sometimes even leading to suicide.

Male menopause according to Jed Diamond is real and could well be a reason for marriages becoming rocky when men have 'midlife crisis' but at the same time it is a process that could hit even at puberty.

Some people might consider this whole analysis of the midlife crisis to be hogwash and tell a man to be a man and deal with his 'manly' problems be they work-related or general blues but common sense demands that we as human beings find healthy outlets to deal with our mental or emotional issues just as we deal with any sickness that ails the body.

Cracking jokes about IMS as most macho men do for PMS would further make a man suffering from depression or having some sort of testosterone-driven problems feel less of a man.

At the end of the day we need to look beyond Gender Wars or the tit for tat attitude and deal with emotional issues with compassion and wisdom. Men are not from Mars, nor Women from Venus. We all suffer from depression, frustrations and stress. The only difference is that women express their emotions whereas men have been taught to suffer in silence and tend to become more lonely.

Could that itself be reason why women tend to lead longer lives than men?

just food for thought

What I have learned today: think more! It does wonders.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 01:42:43 GMT

well, I haven't updated my xanga in a very long time so here I am.
WHAT IF LIFE?
By B. Allen

What if life only lasted a day,
Do you think we'd appreciate it better?
What if life was like hell,
Do you think we would dream?
About a life like we have now?
What if in life we had everything,
Do you think it would get boring?
Why want another life?
Your life is perfect already

On to the entry!

there is only one word i need to analyze my life from my last entry.

Thanksgiving

No you silly gooses, im not talking about the holiday. Just thankful for what i have.
Well Lating class has been a bore, the only fun thing is learning new quotes such as, "Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero."
Translate it, it has quite a bit of significance.

and a comic for your entertainment.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 06:19:37 GMT

I did a lot of studying this weekend and discovered a lot of interesting aspects of the Christian faith.
Ok before I begin this entry there are a few important words that you guys gotta know.

Logos- The word of God. Also called word

Reima-A portion of Logos(or the word) that applies directly your life, in spiritual and material terms. Reima is a piece of Logos that we ourselves extract as indviduals that have some significant meaning to our lives.

Pathos-(This definition is pretty tough so question its accuracy with this one, I couldnt come up with a better way to word it.) The trasnfering of Logos into a material form fundamental, and relevant to our age. Pathos can not exist with out Logos. also known as the flesh.

Ethos-the fundamental thoughts. belief, or ideals of a particular indvidual, culture, or movement.

Ok, Logos is the word itself. The word of God. Now there are three things under Logos. Reima, Pathos, and Ethos. Reima is still Logos, however it is a portion of Logos that is significant to yourself. e.g. Your favorite bible verse. Remember that Reima is a part of Logos, and in fact it is Logos. Next we have pathos. Pathos, pathos is Logos made into a physical manifestation. Or the materialization of Logos one could say. Pathos is still Logos, however it is phsyical and can be seen by relevance to everyone not just Christians. Finally we have ethos. Ethos can be derived from Logos but at times it is not. Ethos is one own personal belief and can be subject to Logos, yet seperated. However all ethos has the common endpoint of Logos. Logos creates, Reima which applies to Christians, Pathos applies to all, and from Pathos ethos is created. So lets look at the chart.

Logos(Word)->Pathos(applies to Christians those who see it)->Ethos(applies to everyone)
|
v
Reima(applies directly to Christians)

I'm tired, i'll write down the rest of ot tomorrow.